I'm going to give this cover an encore appearance here at the Friday Random Ten. There's just so much wrong with it.
First of all, it doesn't look like a particularly happy birthday for our girl Julie. She's in a dive bar -- not faux-dive, but real dive -- and, not surprisingly, she's none too happy. And, second, if Julie's only just now turning sixteen, then what in God's name is she doing with this middle-aged Daniel Stern lookalike? (The only way this pairing makes sense is if this is a screen shot from Home Alone 4: Sixteen Candles.) And third, if Daniel Stern is breaking up with her, how come he's the one who gets the beer and cigarette? She's getting dumped by a middle-aged loser. Jesus, man. Help soften the blow.
Anyway, the triumphant return of Not Even the Pedophiles Want You can only mean that it's time, my friends, for the Friday Random Ten.
You know the routine by now. Put the iPod on shuffle, give us the first ten songs, and, if you'd like, a coolness self-audit. (Note: If you don't have an iPod or imitationPod, just try throwing all your CDs up in the air. The first ten discs to pierce your skin are the keepers. It's like a musical version of Lawn Darts, and what could be more wholesome and fun than that?)
1. Nina Simone, "House of the Rising Sun" -- This is a live, rollicking, organ-driven, hand-clapping, ass-shaking version of the Animals classic. And, needless to say, Nina Simone takes their song away from them and makes it her cabana boy. 9/10
2. The Detroit Cobras, "Cry On" -- The Cobras are a nice throwback to the old Motown sound with just enough modern sauciness thrown in to make a difference. They're sort of the R&B analogue of Rev. Horton Heat. I normally like the cut of their jib, but this is a somewhat mediocre effort. 6/10
3. Gnarls Barkley, "Transformer" -- I really like half of this album, but the other half (which includes this tune) is just a little too precociously busy for my tastes. This song sounds like what you'd get if Pee Wee Herman produced an Outkast CD. 4/10
4. William Shatner, "Common People" -- I think I enjoyed the William Shatner Experience back when he wasn't in on the joke with us. To his credit, he's made peace with the world of campy, self-mocking -- see also West, Adam -- but the music just doesn't do it for me when it doesn't seem sincere. Eh. 5/10
5. Rufus and Chaka Khan, "You Got the Love" -- Damn straight. This may be my favorite Rufus tune, slightly edging out the funkier but slower "Tell Me Something Good." Whatever. It's musical gold, Jerry. Gold! 10/10
6. The Roots with Common, "Love of My Life (live)" -- The slow opening of this song is absolutely fantastic, especially the ways in which they slowly creep the organ and drum into the vocals. It's like a goddamn ninja, I tells ya! One of the two times I've liked the live release of a song better than the original album version. (The other, since you're dying to know, is Radiohead's "I Might Be Wrong.") 9/10
7. Creedence Clearwater Revival, "Someday Never Comes" -- Lordy, do I loves me some CCR. 8/10
8. The Beanuts, "Muchachacha" -- I suppose the greatest fame of the Beatnuts is that J.Lo shamelessly stole the beats from their excellent "Watch Out Now" for her crappy "Jenny from the Block." This is an equally funky tune from the same album (theirs, not J.Lo's) and it's got some saucy lyrics. "Taste dick when you're kissin' your girl? / You should, 'cause she swallows more nut than a squirrel." I believe they're up for the Gloria Steinham Lifetime Achievement Award at this year's NOW Convention. 8/10
9. Dead Prez, "Hell Yeah (Pimp the System)" -- I have a soft spot for this song, merely because the third verse was lifted and used brilliantly in a Diplo remix of TV on the Radio's "Staring at the Sun." The original version is pretty sweet, except for the lame-ass chorus. (There's a reason Diplo only stole the verse.) Good, but not great. 7/10
10. Public Enemy, "Burn Hollywood Burn" -- Looks like it's going to be a hiphop trifecta. Y'all had "Black Caesar" back at the crib? We coulda been rollin' with that the whole time! 9/10
Alright, that gives me a 7.5 average. I had it all this week -- the terrifying lows, the dizzying highs, the creamy middles -- and yet somehow balanced out with my Coolness Tank at three-quarters full. I'll take it.
Let's see what you've got. Drop your own FRT in the comments below, or else free associate with my own selections and/or ratings. Surely, we've got at least one Shater apologist in the house, right?