The Atlanta Hawks Suck

Atlanta is in the middle of a rebuilding year which resembles more of a dynasty of ineptitude than a "rebuilding." "Rebuilding" sounds more like the blocks were knocked down in the school yard and it's time to roll up your sleeves. The Hawks are dealing with more of fart in church - but the doors are locked and someone had spicy pickles - there is no sign of improvement, just awkward stares and wondering if this is really happening.

I did enjoy their advertising campaign for 2003 with the theme "Playoff Bound." Although this may have worked well to rally some glimmer of hope, when they had less than 9 wins midway through the season, the Metro buses driving around town with the team's pictures and the "Playoff Bound" slogan seemed a little ... out of touch.

In the latest news, one of the owners refuses to sign off on a trade for some hopeless soul who, for some reason, is willing to work in Atlanta. I can only assume his mother lives here and is sick.

Jay Mohr adds insult to injury in this weeks SI.:

The Atlanta Hawks have the best team Web site I've come across. It features 3-D imaging of where your seats will be. The problem with such a feature is that the photo of the empty Philips Arena featured on the site looks eerily similar to the empty Philips Arena seen during SportsCenter. There's nothing like watching Josh Childress break away for a dunk and come crashing to the floor in front of empty seats. Maybe the fans in those seats have taken the slogan "Rise Up!" from the Hawks Web site literally. If you click on the link for the Hawks' gift shop, you'll find a golf towel you can purchase for eight bucks. I wonder if the Atlanta players get discounts? We all know come playoff time they will be playing plenty of golf.

Team Web sites will have you believe that mascots are superstars in their own right. Harry the Hawk has his own biography page, which features the jarring headline, "Hold on to your popcorn! Hang on to your seats! It's Harry the Hawk!" Thanks for the warning. The last thing I need at a Hawks game is some creepy guy in a bright red bird outfit trying to get me pumped up to watch 10 guys who won't be in the building come the trade deadline. Harry the Hawk's bio, by the way, has such gems as "Position: Center (of attention!)." Oh, the hilarity. Center of attention, get it? All I know is if you are running around a half-empty stadium in a giant red bird costume you probably should be the center of attention. What else am I going to watch? The Hawks?

The rest of the article is a good read as well.