Sunday, August 28, 2005

Friendly Fire

Now that all the pro-war forces have rushed down to Crawford to let the world know that Cindy Sheehan is nothing more than a treasonous, back-stabbing, pinko commie, baby-aborting, tax-hiking, flip-flopping pederast, people have worried that things might heat up and violence would erupt. Sadly, it has:
Across town in Crawford, other parents of soldiers who are serving or have died in Iraq countered Sheehan with their own raucous rally that started with a prayer.

The pro-Bush caravan was coordinated by Move America Forward, a group led by former California Assemblyman Howard Kaloogian and Republican strategist Sal Russo.

Organizer Howard Kaloogian accused Sheehan of "giving hope and encouragement to our enemies."

The crowd, which organizers said topped 3,000 but appeared closer to 1,500, chanted "Cindy, Go Home" and compared her to Jane Fonda, whose visit to a North Vietnamese gun site in 1972 earned her the nickname "Hanoi Jane."

"Cindy-Hanoi Jane," read one of the signs at the rally.

In one heated moment, members of the pro-Bush crowd turned on what they mistakenly thought were a group of anti-war protesters, cursing them, threatening them and tearing down their signs. A police officer rushed the group to safety.

The group who was mistaken for anti-war protesters? A conservative group that boldly calls itself the Protest Warriors. If you've never heard of the Protest Warriors before, you must possess something resembling a life. They're a group of young Republicans who infiltrate flocks of dirty hippies, mock them with their patented blend of fourth-grade sarcasm and third-grade smarts, and then flee to tell the tales! They're the kind of people who think "Michael Moore is fat" represents a pithy rebuttal to criticisms of the administration's misadventures in the Middle East.

Oh, and here is their very manly, not-at-all-homoerotic logo:
More often than not, the Protest Warriors' activities come crashing down around them, like when they showed up at the last presidential inauguration to counterprotest some anarchists, and the anarchists responded by kicking the living crap out of them. Maybe you should stick with the aging hippies, boys.

So getting attacked for their stupidity is nothing new, but usually it comes from the left. The Protest Warriors like to brag that they provide the "ammo that strikes at the intellectual solar plexus of the left" -- like I said, those fancy word thingys aren't their strong suit -- but now they've mistakenly struck the pituitary gland of the right, and had their own duodenum punctured in return.

All in all, I don't know what's sadder here -- that the larger pro-war group obviously lacked the reading comprehension and sarcasm skills to know that the PW folks were actually on their side, or that the valiant Protest Warriors got their asses whipped by a bunch of goddamn nerds. Again.

(Hat tip to TBogg and Adams College's Football Coach Harris.)


Yossarian said...

I was at a Kerry rally last year and all these college young republicans took off their flip-flops and started hitting them together every-time Kerry spoke. They were laughing and a giggling and high fiving each at how clever they were to get noise makers into the rally. Then they realized they were surrounded by some of the biggest union workers ever.

- A lot of kids walked home barefooted that day.

InanimateCarbonRod said...

I think they should turn the water cannons and attack dogs on those peaceniks. It worked on those no good civil rights activists.

Otto Man said...

Why is it that conservatives are so bad at humor? Have you ever tried to read that conservative comic strip "Mallard Fillmore"? Ugh. I've made funnier jokes drawing Scrabble tiles out at random.