Thursday, August 18, 2005

Intelligent Falling

Late to the game, but The Onion does it pretty well.

"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.

Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."


Otto Man said...

I remember when Isaac Newton appeared to me in a vision and explained this all. For some reason, he looked and sounded exactly like Col. Klink from Hogan's Heroes.

alex supertramp said...

i often engage in some intelligent falling after drowning my teen angst in kidsbeer ... I like to thank of it as God (or "your righteousness" as I prefer it) fully prepping me for the prayer position in front of the porcelain altar and punishing me because I'm a dirty little sinner......