This image is wrong for so many reasons. For starters, the phrase "Tijuana Picnic" seems like something that would be used to describe a sexual and/or scatalogical act that would be illegal in thirty-eight states, and not a wholesome family outing. But even if it really is a picnic in Tijuana, a.k.a. the Happiest Place on Earth™, then what in God's name is Colonel Sanders doing there? Man, I guess it's like the old saying goes: "What happens in Tijuana, stays in Tijuana."
Anyway, with this kind of musical inspiration, it's time for the Friday Random Ten. Take out your iPod, set it on random, and spin the wheel, raggedy man! If you think you've got the stones, go ahead and include a Coolness Self-Audit. And then set aside a little quiet time for yourself. Go ahead. You deserve it.
Alright, here we go:
1. Charles Wright, "Spreadin' Honey" -- A short, strutting, soul instrumental. Sounds like the kind of thing they'd play in a movie while Shaft strutted down Broadway to get a coffee and/or thrash some mope. A stone-cold groove. 6/10
2. The Roots, "Guns are Drawn" -- Outstanding song from my favorite hiphop consortium. The beat is incredibly funky, and the lyrics nicely political. It's got it all, kids. 9/10
3. Eric B. and Rakim, "Let the Rhythm Hit 'Em" -- Wow, starting to sense a trend here. More solid hiphop. not one of their best songs, but Eric B. and Rakim on three-quarters speed can still blow the doors off most other rappers. 7/10
4. KISS, "Detroit Rock City" -- Goodbye, trend. Probably one of my favorite songs by the Knights in Satan's Service, though certainly not very cool. And yes, I know I just lost my membership in the KISS Army for that bit of blasphemy. So be it. 6/10
5. Ol' Dirty Bastard with Kelis, "Baby, I Got Your Money" -- ODB may have shuffled off this mortal coil, but as long as we have his music, he'll always live on in our hearts. Remember the poetry? Remember "I don't have no problem with you fucking me / But I have a little problem wit you not fucking me"? Damn, that boy's a Shakespeare. 7/10
6. The Amps, "She's a Girl" -- Mmmmmm, Kim Deal. Maybe it's the aftershocks of her vocals on the Pixies' "Gigantic," but every song she sings sounds dirty to me. Not that there's anything wrong with that. 8/10
7. Belle and Sebastian, "I Don't Love Anyone" -- Nice rollicking folk tune. Light and airy, with just a hint of cinnamon. I mean, angst. 7/10
8. Iggy and the Stooges, "Search and Destroy" -- Iggy Pop in his prime and at his most primal. "I'm a street walking cheetah with a heart full of napalm, / I'm a runaway son of the nuclear A-bomb." I can't wait to see what sort of advertisement they use this one in. After the ode-to-heroin that is "Lust for Life" became the theme song for Carnival Cruise Lines, anything is possible. 8/10
9. Interpol, "PDA" -- A nice sample of the recent New New Wave revival. Turn Off the Bright Lights is a solid CD, though this would be a second-tier song from that one, I think. 8/10
10. Stereolab, "Brittle" -- From the album Switched On, a driving little bit of wall-of-sound electronica that should've made Robert Moog proud. (And the album title reminds me I need to chase down an old collection called Switched On Country. It has an outstanding moog version of "Ruby, Don't Take Your Love to Town.") 7/10
Judging by all my mediocre scores, I'm part of the MTV generation that neither feels highs nor lows. I have a 7.3 average, which puts me right between the Captain & Tennille and Captain Beefheart on the Cool-o-Meter. Not sure how I feel about that.
Alright, please feel free to drop your own FRT in the comments, or add some mockery of my own mediocrity.
5 comments:
As usual, I don't recognize about half the tunes in Otto's ten, but I'm sure they're cool -- for losers! Now let's get down to some righteous freedom rock.
1) American Heartbeat - Survivor. This is one of the many excellent but overlooked songs on their stunning Eye of the Tiger album. 7/10
2) I think I'm going bald - Rush. I didn't even know Canadians could go bald, but still it's a great song. 9/10.
3) The Colisseum - Prong. Are any of you even man enough to listen to Prong? Of course not! 9/10
4) Los Bastardos - Primus. I don't speak Spanish, so I have no idea what this song's about. 6/10
5) Wish you were here - Pink Floyd. Best song about a friend who went crazy cuz of drugs ever. 8/10
6) Take it on the run - REO Speedwagon. I'm on a roll today! Eat your heart out, Styx fans! 9/10
7) Brand New God - Danzig. I can't decide if these guys really are satanic or if they are mocking the satanists. Glenn Danzig is really short. 9/10
8) Aerials - System of a Down. I'd always wondered what polka-heavy metal fusion would sound like. However, I don't like this song too much - too touchy-feely. 6/10
9) Little Whip - Danzig. Good tune. Did I mention how short Glenn Danzig is? 8/10
10) Possession - Danzig. Okay, it looks like the devil has taken up residence in my media player. I need an exorcism! Someone, please send me Amy Grant's latest! 9/10
Another great week for me and my great music collection. You're welcome.
Otto - This year for my driver's license photo, I wore my KISS shirt. Unfortunately it was all but cut off at the collar - DAMN YOU BMV!!
So here is my FRT dedicated to rally against "da Man" and bad driver license pictures
1. You Should Be Dancing - The Bee Gees - Okay, not a strong start, but play this at a wedding and everybody heads towards the bar. 3/10
2. Turning Japanese - The Vapors - Name one other song about masturbation that also is a racial slur. God, I miss the 80's. 4/10
3. Cinnamon Park - Jill Sobule - If you ever get a chance to see her live - do it. This is from her new album and it's a song about a acid trip played over a Chicago loop (it's cooler than it sounds) 7/10
4. Levi Stubbs' Tears - Billy Bragg - greatest British angry folk socialist musician of our time. 10/10
5. No Future (God Save The Queen) - Nigel Planer - Obscure track off "Neil's Heavy Concept Album" for all you Young Ones fans. Does this make me a nerd for having this? 5/10
6. Drown - Son Volt - Still my favorite song by this band, thanks to kick ass guitar riffs. 7/10
7. Waltz - Fiona Apple - Yes I know this song isn't released until October, but the damn album was finished 2 years ago!!! Angry, Angry, Fiona. Some things never change, thank goodness. 8/10
8. Let Go - Frou Frou - Worst band name ever. Fine track off off the Garden State Soundtrack. 7/10
9. Long Haired Guys From England - Too Much Joy - "all the girls in the music biz, have credit cards they subscribe to ms. ,but they only want to fuck ,long haired guys from england"- well Duh! 6/10
10. Tenor Madness - Sonny Rollins -Only recorded meeting of Rollins and Coltrane. Pretty heavy. 9/10
Otto -- thanks for the groovy pic baby, it made me horny (should that scare me at all?) and nice segue from funky soul to rap to indie stalwarts with a dose of KISS for good measure...yos nice ending but I think too much joy deserves higher marks, it's too much joy for god's sake - green eggs and crack man I'll always go back...and thrillh, I refuse to acknowledge someone who has THREE Danzig hits on random, my god the manchild of Satan is so SHORT - wouldn't you think Satan could spawn someone a wee bit larger??
1-Jimmy Buffett- Come Monday - a lot of people can't stand buffett, I however think the man is god and what a life - even as overplayed as this song is I feel mellow, sad, happy and ready for a drink.9/10
2-Blanche - Superstition - the first single off this really interesting mix of contemporary alt-country and folky space rock....good vibe and kinda spooky, and a quirky little video to go along with the crooning freak-out and tempo changes. 8/10
3-John Vanderslice - Bill Gates must die -- I've covered this one before but it rocks even harder on this friday after some computer issues .. plus Vanderslice is just so damn cool "backdoors/passwords galore/ only the hackers/only the feds know ...so for bringing me here/Bill Gates must die" ... say it loud and say it proud. 8/10
4- r kelly - In the Kitchen - babymaking music or is it music to pedophile to? "sex in the kitchen/over by the stove/put ya on the counter by the butter rolls/hands on the table/on your tippy toes/girl/we'll be making love like the restaurant was closed". damn, as goofy as you are (and freaky) you're still so smoove.8/10
5-Clear - Cigarettes and Spies - now THIS is proper brit-pop! Unfortunately these guys are taking an indefinite break after being totally supported by fans and making an incredibly bouncy fun and engaging pop-rock album - do yourself a favor and check them out - and them a favor and spread the word to get them recording again. Groundbreaking no, but good guys with a great, catchy sound - yes. 8/10
6-American Football - Honestly? - mellow emo rock from Mike Kinsella who was in everything from Cap ' Jazz, Joan of Arc, Owls, Owen, Aloha, Maritime .. all moody mixtures of rock with flavors of emo and flourishes of jazz .. so good, want to touch the hiney.7/10
7-AM/FM - Best Man (put my girlfriend on fire) - another fuzzy indie pop-rock band that goes totally unnoticed but better than so many things (both mainstream and underground) I've heard 'em described as a spooky Beach Boys or a mellower Shins... good stuff.7/10
8-Pinehurst Kids - the Onceler -- some more emo rock a la superchunk jamming with Ranier Maria -- if you haven’t picked up on the trend I think this is a good thing...and this is a standout track from the kids so la ti da.8/10
9-Spokane - By the Bend -- the slocore troubadours make mellow and dirge like folk music that melts your senses and has you drowning in syrupy calm, best if listened to while actually drowning in said syrup - with large amounts of drugs. 8/10
10-Maktub - you can't hide -- ohhh what a way to end - this little slab of Seattle based neo-soul rock just gets my ass to shaking, my head to bobbin' and my soul to groovin! 9/10
so while I'm guessing I might get some disputes over some of my emo based higher scores I think I came out pretty dang okay as far as cool school goes, perhaps somewhere between the colonel at a Tijuana Picnic and Otto man in Tijuana with a mexican colonel sodomizing him....
T-house-
As a big Rush fan, I'll say that in high school that song was a novelty, but as actual music it's waay down. Probably a 3 for Rush, which equals a 5 for the rest of the world. (A bad Rush song has to equal at least average...)
Here's mine:
1. "Narcolepsy" Ben Folds Five The only time I ever saw BFF, this song opened the concert. Huge. 8/10
2. "Number One Blind" Veruca Salt — It'll always be "Levelor" to me. Boy, did I love the grrl bands back then... 6/10
3. "Last Plane Out" Toy Matinee Not even a one-hit wonder. WDRE gave this tune some play back in the early 90s. sounding pretty dated now. 4/10
4. "King of Birds" REM Solid, back-of-the-album filler. Document was my first foray from the Rush/Zeppelin/Boston of high school into the world of "modern rock." 6/10
5. "Talkin' About a Home" Chris Isaak How such a good-looking, multi-talented guy manages to pull off the crushed-by-lost-love so effectively, I'll never know. At least this song is about finding someone new. I think. Oh, if Isaak is ever playing live near you, go. You'll be happy you did. Doesn't even matter if you know the songs. 7/10
6. "You Got Lucky" Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers 6/10. The video, however, is a 9.
7. "Moon" dada — A top song from one of my favorite bands. Years ago, at what was purported to be the last time dada would ever play live, they finished one of many encores with this song. The club was packed, and it almost seemed that Joey would cry on stage as he belted this out. One of the most moving concert memories for me ever. Of course rumors of their demise were greatly exagerrated. They got back together years later, recorded a forgettable album and came to Ann Arbor to play a great set for an embarrassingly small crowd of about twelve people—including the bartender. Should've quite while they were ahead... 10/10
8. "Wall of Denial" SRV Can Stevie come back from the grave and sue Paul Shaeffer for ripping this song off? Only a 5/10 on a Stevie scale, equals 7/10 for everyone else.
9. "Patrol" Charlatans From the mysterious, short-lived non-"UK" era. Bring back the organ! 7/10
10. "Light My Way" Audioslave A band so much LESS than the sum of its parts. 6/10
Only a 6.7 average. That Toy Matinee is really dragging me down this week. Luckily I didn't have to look at the embarrassingly dated album graphics and photo when I heard it or I would've graded it even more harshly.
Back from a long weekend away. Nice lists, boys.
Thillhous, one rule -- there is no circumstance under which REO Speedwagon gets above a 2 on the coolness audit, and certainly not a 9.
You may live by your own rules on the post-apocalyptic highways you roam at night, but on the FRT, we have standards, sir.
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