Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Neil Diamond - Best of Albums 2005?

Heard about a website ( this morning from 99x's Fred Toucher - who is amazingly funny and grows on you like that 8th Pabst beer ("I'm never spending more that $14 on a case of beer again!"). This is a quality list which is well worth some time reading their reviews. Here are some highlights:

Best of 2005 (see website for full list)

Neil Diamond - 12 Songs

So he hooks up with the world’s fattest vegan, Rick Rubin, and they rent a
house in the hills where some 70’s hippie orgy that went murderously wrong took
place. They light candles, smoke pot, listen to the reels of “Reign In Blood” at
deafening volumes while Neil plays “air bass” and Rubin watches while he puts
away 8 gallons of Tofutti, grow shitty beards, eat straw and tree bark, and
avoid showering at all costs. Ultimately they end up with a killer record that
brings Neil “back to his roots”. Don’t worry though, he’s not selling out the
scene. He’s still gonna pork moms and feather his hair.

Black Mountain - Black Mountain

More Canadians. I don’t know why we keep letting this shit slide.
Apparently without adequate forms of entertainment, fear of gunshot wounds, and
“modern appliances”, those savages up there have way more free time to make good
music like this while they’re chillin’ in their igloos. Did we mention the
singer looks like “The Dude” from The Big Lebowski?

Fiona Apple - Extraordinary Machine
You know Fiona was chillin’ at home in her huge pad in the hills, naked all
jungle-muffed out, crying at the mirror, listening to “The Chronic”, and totally
bumming that her fan base consisted of a bunch of overweight bedwetting virgins.

Worst Albums of 2005 (see website for full list):

Tommy Lee - Tommyland: The Ride

This guy has 2 brain cells left, and they’re both waging a Mortal Kombat style battle in his head for supremacy. Shitty tattoos, plastic whore wives, and dumbass spoiled kids litter this guy’s life, so of course we have to hear about it. This isn’t even funny like that last band he had; you know the one with that “Get Naked” song? That band was fucking hilarious, total unintentional comedy. This is like Maroon 5 meets a karaoke bar where a group of frat house date rapists intersect with a dozen Korean weekend child molester businessmen. Yeah… it’s brutal in a “contracting STD’s” type of way.

Billy Corgan - The Future Embrace

Speaking of annoying bald singers, it took about 5 minutes after this butt nugget came out and nobody gave a shit, for Billy to announce a Smashing Pumpkins reunion. Hey Billy, Zwan sucks, this shit sucks, and you getting the Smashing Pumpkins back together without any of the original members is REALLY gonna suck. How about you just stay home, count your money, update your blog every 3 minutes, write another Courtney Love album, and cry yourself to sleep every night cos you’re still bitter about not being as cool as Kurt Cobain, and leave the rest of us in peace.


alex supertramp said...

so you posted excerpts from this posted and decided AGAINST the inclusion of this chesnut (deeez nuts):
The Fiery Furnaces
Rehearsing My Choir
I can’t decide what would be more excruciating, listening to some indie band’s grandma sing the songs for their “rock opera”, or watching my own grandma shave her legs and pussy in the shower. After hearing this record, I’ll go with the latter. In fact, I’d rather watch the Wu Tang Clan run a train on my grammy than hafta sit through this bullshit ever again.

i like these guys....

alex supertramp said...

and just for thouse!:

from their analysis of Coheed and Cambria, and a small slight of yes--"Imagine, all the longwinded musical douche drinking of the band Yes, minus the musicianship, the message of love, and the excuse of being British. We strongly suggest you take our advice on this one and immediately, perpetually ignore these fuckbags, until they dry up like the turds they are, and blow away in the fart wind of their retarded imaginations."

InanimateCarbonRod said...

This brings up a question: How DOES a vegan get fat? I mean, you can't even eat cheese and ice cream. What does he do? Chug coconut oil?

Otto Man said...

This brings up a question: How DOES a vegan get fat?

Beer, beer, and more beer.

Otto Man said...

The best part of that site may be the photo of the idiot chick from the Black Eyed Peas apparently wetting herself.

Studiodave said...

I couldn't agree with the Billy Corrrigan review. I was a huge Pumpkins fan - but he blows outside of them.

Yossarian said...

"The best part of that site may be the photo of the idiot chick from the Black Eyed Peas apparently wetting herself."

"apparently"? APPARENTLY"?!!! I am no expert in celebrity urine (just two credits short of that degree though) , but you don't honestly believe her story of excess crotch sweating.

On a different note, back in the day,I saw Smashing Pumpkins right after Gish was released when they opened for Pearl Jam who was opening for Red Hot Chili Peppers (great show). Anywho - Billy Corgan ended his show by throwing his guitar right down on his monitor and stomping off. This immediately filled the auditorium with feedback. After about 5 minutes (it seemed longer because of the the wailing) Billy comes back out and kicks his guitar off the monitor. Then he stomps off. A lot of the crowd was pissed, but I knew that night that Billy Corgan was a Rock God who could do no wrong...

err until this last album.... which sucked.

Otto Man said...

I said "apparently" only because it looked too perfect that I thought it might have been photoshopped.

Too bad the name of "MC Pee Pants" was already taken.

Studiodave said...

More photo's from that show.

If peeing your pants is cool,
Call her Miles Davis.