I'm afraid to report that I've been stricken down by the latest blogger quiz. Pooh has passed it along to me, and I'm bound by my sacred oath as a former Cub Scout -- we're talking Wolf Den here people! Wolf Den! -- to do my best to answer these questions for God and my country. But not the gays. Scouts don't want nothing to do with the gays. Just single men who like to hang out with young boys in shorts.
Anyway, as we all know, if you don't fulfill your holy responsibility to answer a chain cyberquiz, dire consequences will be visited upon you. Dire.
So here goes....
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18 and find line 4
"One mayoral official, Roger Starr, following the Rand Corporation..."
Believe it or not, that crackling snap of street knowledge comes from Jeff Chang's Can't Stop, Won't Stop: A History of the Hiphop Generation. Kool Herc would be so proud.
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, what do you find?
Buster Bluth on the receiving end of this move.
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Well, "The Daily Show" is on right now. So, Jon Stewart saying the words "I believe God hates us."
4. Without looking, guess what time it is.
Easy -- Hammer Time. It's always Hammer Time. Proper!
5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
Five past Hammer Time. But I think that clock is fast.
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Jon Stewart saying "Dance Party!"
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Taking freedom for a forced march.
8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Naked pictures of ... Marge.
9. What are you wearing?
Blue t-shirt, blue jeans, blue wool socks. Seriously. It's like Smurf camoflague.
10. Did you dream last night?
Yes, the same dream I always have. I see myself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid, with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at me.
11. When did you last laugh?
When I best laughed.
12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Paint. What else? Jesus, what a stupid question.
13. Seen anything weird lately?
Lauren Bacall introducting a film montage at the Oscars. Painful.
14. What do you think of this quiz?
Are we there yet?
15. What is the last film you saw?
Just saw Terence Malick's Thin Red Line again on cable. Forgot how good it was.
16. If you turned into a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
The Batcave. No, the Playboy Mansion. No, wait. The Batcave.
17. Tell me something about you that I don’t know.
I once shot a man ... just fer snorin' too loud!
18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt and politics, what would you do?
Reunite the one group the world needs most -- Wham.
19. Do you like to Dance?
Hells yes. I ain't no commie.
20. George Bush.
"What is the best argument against intelligent design? Thank you, I'll take 'Potpourri' for $300, Alex."
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Fallopia. (I like classical names.)
22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what would you call him?
Testicles, rhymes with Pericles. (See above.)
23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
As a broad? No.
24. What would you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
"Jesus ... party of thirteen? Your table is ready. Jesus, party of thirteen."
25. 4 people who must also do this theme in their journal.
So many to choose from. I feel like Oskar Schindler. (Too soon?)
Well, I'm going with Mr. Furious, TravisG, tehl4m3, and Sideshow Bob.