I'm afraid to report that I've been stricken down by the latest blogger quiz. Pooh has passed it along to me, and I'm bound by my sacred oath as a former Cub Scout -- we're talking Wolf Den here people! Wolf Den! -- to do my best to answer these questions for God and my country. But not the gays. Scouts don't want nothing to do with the gays. Just single men who like to hang out with young boys in shorts.
Anyway, as we all know, if you don't fulfill your holy responsibility to answer a chain cyberquiz, dire consequences will be visited upon you. Dire.
So here goes....
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18 and find line 4
"One mayoral official, Roger Starr, following the Rand Corporation..."
Believe it or not, that crackling snap of street knowledge comes from Jeff Chang's Can't Stop, Won't Stop: A History of the Hiphop Generation. Kool Herc would be so proud.
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, what do you find?
Buster Bluth on the receiving end of this move.
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Well, "The Daily Show" is on right now. So, Jon Stewart saying the words "I believe God hates us."
4. Without looking, guess what time it is.
Easy -- Hammer Time. It's always Hammer Time. Proper!
5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
Five past Hammer Time. But I think that clock is fast.
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Jon Stewart saying "Dance Party!"
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Taking freedom for a forced march.
8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Naked pictures of ... Marge.
9. What are you wearing?
Blue t-shirt, blue jeans, blue wool socks. Seriously. It's like Smurf camoflague.
10. Did you dream last night?
Yes, the same dream I always have. I see myself standing in sort of sun-god robes on a pyramid, with a thousand naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at me.
11. When did you last laugh?
When I best laughed.
12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Paint. What else? Jesus, what a stupid question.
13. Seen anything weird lately?
Lauren Bacall introducting a film montage at the Oscars. Painful.
14. What do you think of this quiz?
Are we there yet?
15. What is the last film you saw?
Just saw Terence Malick's Thin Red Line again on cable. Forgot how good it was.
16. If you turned into a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
The Batcave. No, the Playboy Mansion. No, wait. The Batcave.
17. Tell me something about you that I don’t know.
I once shot a man ... just fer snorin' too loud!
18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt and politics, what would you do?
Reunite the one group the world needs most -- Wham.
19. Do you like to Dance?
Hells yes. I ain't no commie.
20. George Bush.
"What is the best argument against intelligent design? Thank you, I'll take 'Potpourri' for $300, Alex."
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Fallopia. (I like classical names.)
22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what would you call him?
Testicles, rhymes with Pericles. (See above.)
23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
As a broad? No.
24. What would you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
"Jesus ... party of thirteen? Your table is ready. Jesus, party of thirteen."
25. 4 people who must also do this theme in their journal.
So many to choose from. I feel like Oskar Schindler. (Too soon?)
Well, I'm going with Mr. Furious, TravisG, tehl4m3, and Sideshow Bob.
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11 comments:
Well played sir...
You asked for it
I'm making you go get it, since you haven't left a footprint at my place in weeks, ya bastiches.
you funny, OM.
Glad to know I passed the test. I haven't been this nervous since I took that home pregnancy test.
We are a Poison tribute band.
Okay - I'll play your game, so spin the wheel ragged man.
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18 and find line 4
"We were mean and hateful and all had the same problems - fathers who drank themselves to death and beat up moms..."
From "Lobotomy:Surviving The Ramones". What can I say, I have a thing for the classics.
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, what do you find?
A whole lot of open air (you should have asked about my right arm- wow).
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Family Guy. It was freakin' sweet.
4. Without looking, guess what time it is.
8:24 am
5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
8:25 am - gosh that chip in my head is off. I better take it in for repairs.
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
I am a slave to the baby monitor. Ask not for whom it hums for, it hums for you.
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
What is this thing called "outside"?
8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Family Guy Porn. It was freakin' sweet!
9. What are you wearing
Plaid flannels - waiting for the "Dave Matthew's band" look to come back.
10. Did you dream last night?
yes - Very detailed dream - too long to get into.
11. When did you last laugh?
Yesterday, My baby makes me laugh
12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
spiders, OMG, spiders everywhere can't get them off.
13. Seen anything weird lately?
No
14. What do you think of this quiz?
Root canal was shorter and less painful
15. What is the last film you saw?
"Wedding Crashers", but it was the uncorked edition in my defense.
16.If you turned into a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
jet-pack
17. Tell me something about you that I don’t know.
I have 2 signed copies of "Catch 22".
18.If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt and politics, what would you do?
Make it a capitol offense to park in a handicap parking space.
19.Do you like to Dance?
No - That's why I became a musician
20. George Bush.
It takes all my strength every waking moment not to scream "I told you so" to 51% of the country.
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
no brainer - Margaret Rose
22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what would you call him?
Declan (Elvis Costello's real name)
23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
I would live in France, so all the Republicans would say that I live in "Freedom-land"
24. What would you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
"Lee Harvey Oswald did not work alone"
25.4 people who must also do this theme in their journal.
I have no friends.
Nicd work, Yossarian. And yes, anyone should feel free to plow through that if they have the stones. (When I made my picks I simply tapped the last few blogs I'd visited. I'm a lazy, lazy man.)
By the way, Yos, I finally saw the film version of Catch-22 this weekend. Amazingly good.
I was going to do this of my own volition. Then I saw how long it was and said eff it! Then I saw my name at the bottom. And there was the mention of the Wolf Den honor, and the dire consequences, and the glaven.
So now what choice do I have?
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18 and find line 4
"This capability of the internet and other networks is handy, for example..."
Yes, I am a nerd.
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, what do you find?
I find that it hurts if you punch a plaster wall.
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
"Blind Date"...hey, I got home at 12:45am and I don't have cable, it was that or infomercials.
4. Without looking, guess what time it is.
12:20
5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
12:20 Call me "Big Ben".
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
My dogs snoring and chasing bunnies in their dreams.
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
About half an hour ago, when I got my mail. I received a generous offer from Pat Robertson to show me the secrets of getting into heaven. I'd rather have gotten a sample of Tide.
8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
A picture of a clown posing with his trained housecats.
9. What are you wearing?
Blue pj pants and my sweet Simpsons sweatshirt with Jimbo, Carney and Dolph on it.
10. Did you dream last night?
Yes. Next question.
11. When did you last laugh?
When I was reading a list of not so powerful lobbys in Washington. My favorite was the Federation of Poverty-Stricken Non-Voters.
12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Wallpaper. A spider. Pictures. Christmas lights. Jeez, it's like a friggin' Applebees in here!
13. Seen anything weird lately?
I saw a guy puke while being interviewed on a local news show. The best part was after he puked, he put his hands over his eyes and shook his head. You could almost hear him saying, "This is not happening, this is not happening!"
14. What do you think of this quiz?
I'm assuming this is a rhetorical question...
15. What is the last film you saw?
Graveyard of the Fireflies. I give it seven thumbs up.
16. If you turned into a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
That port company from Dubai...or maybe a minor league team, like in "Brewster's Millions".
17. Tell me something about you that I don’t know.
I'm a girl-drink drunk.
18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt and politics, what would you do?
Way more trained monkeys.
19. Do you like to Dance?
Yes, but I'm Irish, so it's forbidden.
20. George Bush.
Greatest surrealist comic of his generation.
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Schechwanequah.
22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what would you call him?
HoJu
23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Si.
24. What would you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
"We told you to hold onto the handrail...We asked you not to spit over the side."
25. 4 people who must also do this theme in their journal.
Jesus, Buddha, Allah and Don Knotts. I know it's a long shot, but just imagine the excitement if even one of them responds!
1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18 and find line 4
"In his bones Peter Drucker wanted to be quit of the past and, in a striking phrase he applies in one of his books to the Founding Fathers, to "solve the future."
- The World According to Peter Drucker
2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, what do you find?
DVD From this years CES (see Plumpers post) "Innovate/Educate"
3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Teletubbies at 4am. Baby is teething.
4. Without looking, guess what time it is.
2:50
5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
2:54
6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Bob Segars "Turn the page." I believe it is my themesong. However, I have never played a musical instrument, had long hair, been on the road.
7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
Walking to work.
8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
Spreadsheet projecting internet revenues.
9. What are you wearing?
Gray biz suite. Red tie. Thong.
10. Did you dream last night?
Yes, there was a snake wearing a vest eating a donut.
11. When did you last laugh?
Can't say.
12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Whiteboard with revenue projections. Black and white jazz posters. Louis Armstrong looking at me saying chill.
13. Seen anything weird lately?
Went swimming last night while there was elderly water arobics going on. Note: elderly still need bikini waxes even if not in bikini's
14. What do you think of this quiz?
They are reading everything I say.
15. What is the last film you saw?
Wedding Crashers with Yous. I guess the fact that we had just finished watching Brokeback doesn't sound much better.
16. If you turned into a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?
The ninth ward in New Orleans and turn it into a park.
17. Tell me something about you that I don’t know.
I actually enjoy fatherhood.
18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt and politics, what would you do?
Have a comprehensive plan to catch "at risk" youth / focus prisons on rehabilitation / reopen public psyche wards that Reagan shut down.
19. Do you like to Dance?
Yes, best served "fully loaded"
20. George Bush.
You can only fake your way so far in life.
21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?
Annie and Grace (already done)
22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what would you call him?
Ruddigar
23. Would you ever consider living abroad?
Yes, but I like ice and 24 hour stores too much.
24. What would you want God to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
Welcome home.
25. 4 people who must also do this theme in their journal.
No one likes me.
17. Tell me something about you that I don’t know.
I'm a girl-drink drunk.
Easily my favorite Kids in the Hall sketch of all time. And that's saying a lot.
okay i'm posting mine at freedom camp.
goddamn you, otto man!
Don't blame me. I'm just passing this thing along. You know, like cruel gossip or herpes. Or cruel gossip that someone has herpes.
Don't blame me. I'm just passing this thing along. You know, like cruel gossip or herpes. Or cruel gossip that someone has herpes.
I never said that. Allegedly. Though I did hear it from someone...
Psstt...hey guys, Otto has what Adam Corrolla likes to call the Happies, I hear
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