Thursday, March 23, 2006

Embedded Reporter - Baptist Church Pool Update #2

Any non-paid, under-qualified journalist like myself can tell you- you take risks to get the story the people need to hear. This story almost broke me. But with a powerful dose of last night's South Park, I can talk about "the incident."

Fans of LLPON.com know from previous reports, I am swimming among elderly Baptists in an attempt to control work related stress. Normally, things I see make me glad I'm nearsighted so everything is fuzzy in the pool. But I wasn't prepared for the locker room!

I entered the gym looking forward to a work out; when I got to the locker room a guy with a Dartmouth sweatshirt was having trouble with the pass code to open the door. I helped him with it and we walked in the locker room.

I looked up to see an elderly naked man sitting on the bench. Not a towel for miles. While this was disturbing, it was not as disturbing as his naked elderly friend standing next to him.

He wasn't just standing - he was actually straddling a floor fan like he was riding an imaginary bull. Apparently, he REALLY needed to dry his nut sack. There they were, like two vine ripened prunes swaying in the massive gust from the floor fan. And, he was standing on his tip toes - I know not why.

It was then that I noticed the breeze on my face from the fan. I quickly remembered biology class on skin cells and realized that, yup, that gentle breeze has an undeniable trace of old man sack.

Oh, apparently, I was interrupting because I got a look from both men that "how dare I stare / pervert" - but he still kept on standing over the fan for another minute or so.

As I found an empty locker on the far side of the fan, I commented to the guy that came in with me that I may require around the clock counseling to get over the event. He just sat on the bench rocking quietly.

7 comments:

Thrillhous said...

I think it's time you took up jogging, dude.

Mr Furious said...

I definitely think you need to find a new gym. Or at least stay the hell out of the locker room. Your last two posts are what we like to call foreshadowing...

Do they only show gladiator movies on the televisions?

Thrillhous said...

That's a good point, Mr. F. This could be just the beginning.

Studio, are you sure you aren't witnessing initiation challenges for some kind of Baptist Fight Club? First they make one guy dress up like a plumber and talk to people in the shower, then they make the old man face the Blades of Doom (actually, maybe that one was a challenge for the other old guy: how long can you stand the sack stench?). I recall that nudity was an integral part of frat life back in college (my general dislike of male nudity was one of the many reasons I never joined a frat).

Malibu Stacy said...

It's like a train wreck...I know shouldn't read these stories, and yet I can't get enough...

jt said...

clearly, this is just the kind of news that embedded reporters for the Old Gray Lady could never report.


On second thought, maybe MSM ain't dead afterall. How the heck am I supposed to sleep tonight?

TravisG said...

And I thought I had it bad when I turned the corner the other day around some lockers at my gym, to see some naked dude was bent over at the waist.

I mean, come on! That's terrible for your lower back.

Otto Man said...

They say the third time's the charm, Studio, so keep us posted about what happens next.