Friday Random Ten

Although the three people who read this site when we started it last summer will recognize this cover as a repeat from one of our very first FRTs, I thought I'd trot it out for the rest of you as atonement for the "Millie Jackson Incident" of last week's FRT.

While it's not at Millie's depths of depravity, this image is wrong for so many reasons. For starters, the phrase "Tijuana Picnic" seems like something that would be used to describe a sexual and/or scatalogical act that would be illegal in thirty-eight states, and not a wholesome family outing. But even if it really is a picnic in Tijuana, a.k.a. the Happiest Place on Earth™, then what in God's name is Colonel Sanders doing there? Man, I guess it's like the old saying goes: "What happens in Tijuana, stays in Tijuana."

Anyway, with this kind of musical inspiration, it's time for the Friday Random Ten. Take out your iPod, set it on random, and spin the wheel, raggedy man! If you think you've got the stones, go ahead and include a Coolness Self-Audit. And then set aside a little quiet time for yourself. Go ahead. You deserve it.

1. Hot Chocolate, "Emma" -- A slow sultry number from the UK's greatest late '70s funk band. Yeah, that's not saying a whole lot, but this is a thing of cheesy beauty. (Hell, the lush lounge lizards of Urge Overkill covered the song and barely had to change a thing.) Sweet. 8/10

2. The Kinks, "Wicked Annabella" -- This isn't as catchy or light as some of the other songs on Village Preservation Society, such as "Picture Book" which has been used in a fairly cool HP Printer commercial. This song is, in fact, more than a little bit creepy. Eh. 4/10

3. Radiohead, "Palo Alto" -- Pretty solid work for a song that was cast off to an EP and a B-sides collection. The grungy guitars seem like a throwback to "Creep," but there's enough aural insanity thrown in there to make it fit with the late-era Radiohead. 7/10

4. Lauryn Hill, "Every Ghetto, Every City" -- Man, what the hell happened to her? This was a brilliant debut album, but she followed it up with a somewhat rambling Unplugged release and some half-hearted, where-are-they-now Fugees reunion stuff. Come back to the light, Lauryn. We miss you. 9/10

5. David Bowie, "Queen Bitch" -- Quite possibly my favorite Bowie song of all time. From the opening guitar riffs to the semipsychotic chorus, this one is everywhere you want to be, baby! 9/10

6. The Roots, "Don't Say Nuthin' (Remix)" -- This is a remix from the new Home Grown collection. The original never really did much for me, but this sparse and driving remix certainly makes it all better. 7/10

7. A Tribe Called Quest, "After Hours" -- I know this is blasphemy, but "After Hours" has always been my favorite tune off People's Instinctive Rhythms..., edging out such popular favorites as "Can I Kick It?" and "I Left My Wallet in El Segundo." It's just much smoother and cleaner, and points the way to their next, jazzier stage. And as the man says, "after hours, it was cool." Who am I to argue? 8/10

8. Luxxury, "There's Something Going On" -- I'm a sucker for cover songs of big hits, but this rendition of Frida's disco classic just doesn't do it. The group sounds like a Human League tribute band, one that needs to be told to limit it to six synthesizers or less, or else pack it in. Ugh. 2/10

9. Sly and the Family Stone, "Dance to the Medley" -- This is a 12-minute tour-de-funk by a band that was one of America's greatest contributions to the world, right up there with Silly Putty and the atomic bomb. They could've cut this up into three distinct and distinctly great songs, but kept it instead as a killer funk masterpiece. 10/10

10. MC Chris, "DQ Blizzard" -- While I have nothing but respect from the genius who brought us "Fett's Vette" and the Aqua Teen Hunger Force character of MC Pee Pants, this isn't his finest work. 5/10

Alright, that gives me a 6.9 average on the coolness scale. While the hipster in me is saddened to score so low, the fourteen-year-old in me is giggling at the number. Which should probably lower it even more. Dammit.

Let's see what you've got this week. Give us your own random ten, with or without the coolness self-audit. And please note, we've recently enabled anonymous comments for the site, so now you can be coolly anonymous, just like the Unknown Comic!