Friday Random Ten

I'm not sure how much power the truth-in-advertising laws have over album covers, but I'd be willing to wager my punching nun puppet that that Weela Gallez did not, in fact, provide "an hysterical evening" of "adult comedy" on her alleged comedy album.

Sure, she tried to make sure she had all the component elements of adult comedy -- a wacky straw fringed hat, a make-up gun set to "whore," a paper-plate-and-construction-paper clown face, and a helper monkey named Mojo -- but I don't have a lot of faith that she could pull it off. There's just something in those dead eyes that tells me she'd have all the knee-slapping humor of a Ziggy cartoon, but without the warm fuzzies.

In any case, the disturbing appearance of Weela Gallez can only mean that it's once again time for the Friday Random Ten.

You know the rules. Take out whatever it is you keep your music on, whether it's an iPod or an imitation from such brand names as Sorny, Panaphonics, or Magnetbox; set that sucker on shuffle; and give us the first ten songs that pop out. If, in the spirit of Nigel Tufnel, you'd like to take the Random Ten "to eleven," go ahead and throw in a Coolness Self-Audit as well. (If you want a guide on how to handle that, check the comments here.)

Here's mine:

1. Asheru and Blue Black of the Unspoken Heard, "Theme Music" -- What a great start to the FRT. This is some phenomenally catchy hiphop, with a killer piano groove that resembles Dilated Peoples' "Pay Attention" and lyrics that resemble Asheru's work on the "Boondocks" theme music. (Which, despite the name, this isn't.) Outstanding. 10/10

2. Al Green, "Simply Beautiful" -- Holy crap, two great songs right off the bat! At the risk of jinxing myself, let me just say this. Alright, this song is a slow, sultry groove from the Reverend Al, very understated but incredibly good. Easily my favorite thing he ever recorded. 10/10

3. Wanda Jackson, "Riot in Cell Block #9" -- Another great one, from a rockabilly pioneer who later hawked Budweiser with Brian Setzer as the "guitar granny." This was later covered to death, but the original is scorchingly hot, as a song about a women's prison riot should be. 9/10

4. Cat Power, "Who Knows Where the Time Goes" (live) -- And the fun comes to a screeching halt. This is a short and rambling song that could've passed for a sound check. Eh. 2/10

5. Catlow, "Number One" -- A nice little bit of indie chick rock, though a bit too adorable in some places. If that's possible. 6/10

6. Jane's Addiction, "Three Days" -- Once upon a time, I would've considered a ten-minute alternarock wankfest by Perry Ferrell and company to be the pinnacle of cool. I believe at the time, however, I was also under the impression that the Red Hot Chili Peppers were cool as well. 5/10

7. Chuck Berry, "You Can't Catch Me" -- A nice rollicking bit of classic rock'n'roll. This song, I believe, has the distinction of being the only rock tune from the late '50s and early '60s to focus on the freedom felt by American youth as a result of driving a car. It's a shame more people didn't explore this field. 7/10

8. Drive-By Truckers, "Ronnie and Neil" -- As I said over at Norbizness's pad, the Truckers are a band that many of my friends love and the critics adore, but I just can't get into them. The singer sounds like he's gargling asphalt and the deep lyrics are just too damn preachy. I just don't get it. 3/10

9. Mahlathini & Mahotella Queens, "Thuto Kelefa" -- Now, I have no idea what Malathini is saying either, but who cares? Incredibly limber guitar work, lush background vocals from the Queens, and the gruff Howlin' Wolf style of the man himself. Like a Colt .45, this works every time. 8/10

10. Bobby Bland, "Ain't No Love in the Heart of the City" -- A fairly good bit of '70s soul. This seems like the kind of thing that Slaughter or Shaft would have playing in the background as they walked to work. 7/10

Well, after a tremendous start, I slipped up a couple times and still wound up with a 6.7. I'm apparently two-thirds cool, much in the same way Wilson Phillips was two-thirds hot.

Let's see what you've got. Drop your own FRT in the comments below, add your snarky comments about my own random array of songs, or perhaps offer a haiku about the Bush administration's incompetence. Your choice.