Friday, March 10, 2006

Friday Random Ten

I'm not sure how much power the truth-in-advertising laws have over album covers, but I'd be willing to wager my punching nun puppet that that Weela Gallez did not, in fact, provide "an hysterical evening" of "adult comedy" on her alleged comedy album.

Sure, she tried to make sure she had all the component elements of adult comedy -- a wacky straw fringed hat, a make-up gun set to "whore," a paper-plate-and-construction-paper clown face, and a helper monkey named Mojo -- but I don't have a lot of faith that she could pull it off. There's just something in those dead eyes that tells me she'd have all the knee-slapping humor of a Ziggy cartoon, but without the warm fuzzies.

In any case, the disturbing appearance of Weela Gallez can only mean that it's once again time for the Friday Random Ten.

You know the rules. Take out whatever it is you keep your music on, whether it's an iPod or an imitation from such brand names as Sorny, Panaphonics, or Magnetbox; set that sucker on shuffle; and give us the first ten songs that pop out. If, in the spirit of Nigel Tufnel, you'd like to take the Random Ten "to eleven," go ahead and throw in a Coolness Self-Audit as well. (If you want a guide on how to handle that, check the comments here.)

Here's mine:

1. Asheru and Blue Black of the Unspoken Heard, "Theme Music" -- What a great start to the FRT. This is some phenomenally catchy hiphop, with a killer piano groove that resembles Dilated Peoples' "Pay Attention" and lyrics that resemble Asheru's work on the "Boondocks" theme music. (Which, despite the name, this isn't.) Outstanding. 10/10

2. Al Green, "Simply Beautiful" -- Holy crap, two great songs right off the bat! At the risk of jinxing myself, let me just say this. Alright, this song is a slow, sultry groove from the Reverend Al, very understated but incredibly good. Easily my favorite thing he ever recorded. 10/10

3. Wanda Jackson, "Riot in Cell Block #9" -- Another great one, from a rockabilly pioneer who later hawked Budweiser with Brian Setzer as the "guitar granny." This was later covered to death, but the original is scorchingly hot, as a song about a women's prison riot should be. 9/10

4. Cat Power, "Who Knows Where the Time Goes" (live) -- And the fun comes to a screeching halt. This is a short and rambling song that could've passed for a sound check. Eh. 2/10

5. Catlow, "Number One" -- A nice little bit of indie chick rock, though a bit too adorable in some places. If that's possible. 6/10

6. Jane's Addiction, "Three Days" -- Once upon a time, I would've considered a ten-minute alternarock wankfest by Perry Ferrell and company to be the pinnacle of cool. I believe at the time, however, I was also under the impression that the Red Hot Chili Peppers were cool as well. 5/10

7. Chuck Berry, "You Can't Catch Me" -- A nice rollicking bit of classic rock'n'roll. This song, I believe, has the distinction of being the only rock tune from the late '50s and early '60s to focus on the freedom felt by American youth as a result of driving a car. It's a shame more people didn't explore this field. 7/10

8. Drive-By Truckers, "Ronnie and Neil" -- As I said over at Norbizness's pad, the Truckers are a band that many of my friends love and the critics adore, but I just can't get into them. The singer sounds like he's gargling asphalt and the deep lyrics are just too damn preachy. I just don't get it. 3/10

9. Mahlathini & Mahotella Queens, "Thuto Kelefa" -- Now, I have no idea what Malathini is saying either, but who cares? Incredibly limber guitar work, lush background vocals from the Queens, and the gruff Howlin' Wolf style of the man himself. Like a Colt .45, this works every time. 8/10

10. Bobby Bland, "Ain't No Love in the Heart of the City" -- A fairly good bit of '70s soul. This seems like the kind of thing that Slaughter or Shaft would have playing in the background as they walked to work. 7/10

Well, after a tremendous start, I slipped up a couple times and still wound up with a 6.7. I'm apparently two-thirds cool, much in the same way Wilson Phillips was two-thirds hot.

Let's see what you've got. Drop your own FRT in the comments below, add your snarky comments about my own random array of songs, or perhaps offer a haiku about the Bush administration's incompetence. Your choice.

11 comments:

Pooh said...

No haiku, but I have a song...

The Clash-inspired hit "I am the Law":

Breakin' laws in the desert sun
I am the law so I won
I am the law so I won
I needed more power, though I had some
I am the law so I won
I am the law so I won

Lost my levee and it feels so bad
But guess what, my war is 'won'
I'm the best Leader you ever had
I am the law so I won
I am the law so I won

Peppered my friend with a shotgun
I am the law so I won
I am the law so I won
I miss my ranch and I miss my rum
I am the law so I won
I am the law so I won

Lost my levee and it feels so bad
But guess what, my war is 'won'
I'm the best Leader you ever had
I am the law so I won
I am the law so I won

sideshow bob said...

hmmm...haikus are hard. I'll just do the stupid list.

1)Toxicity- System of a Down. Well, that woke me up. Good song, a little overplayed, but I won't hold that against it. (6/10)

2)Bjork- Anchor Song. I loves Bjork. She's smart and not afraid to experiment. Unfortunately, sometimes experiments go horribly, horribly wrong. (2/10)

3)Beastie Boys- Son of Neckbone. Funky little 70's-ish instrumental. Plus one point for the cowbell. Minus two for overusing the cowbell. (3/10)

4)Public Enemy- Cold Lampin' With Flavor. I'm supacalifagilesticaladoozy cuz I know what 'lampin' is. Put that in your 'don't know what he said book'! (9/10)

5)fiona Apple- Extraordinary Machine. This woman has more talent in a little droplet of spit than all the Madonnawannbes that currently pollute the popular music charts. (10/10)

6)Pantera- The Badge. Sometimes I nod my head like "yes, yes, you rock" and sometimes I shake my head like "no, no, don't stop rocking"! But my head simply refuses to keep still. (7/10)

7)Pixies- Vamos! "You fuckin' die!!!" I like this song, but it might have something to do with the memories associated with it, where we were all drunk or high or something and we drove to the grocery store with our heads out the windows and asked the deli guy why they didn't keep Spam in the meat department. Good times. (7/10)

8)Sleater-Kinney- One More Hour. Tight little song. Plus one point for being indie-darlings. (8/10)

9)Arrested Development- Momma's Always On Stage. Much respect for the ladies. What ever happened to these guys? Oh yeah, 'Zingalamadoomi'. (6/10)

10)Blur- Strange News From Another Star. Pretty good. Kind of Ziggy Stardusty. I'd rather hear Ziggy Stardust. (5/10)

6.3 average. Put it's not about how high or low your score is, it' how drunk you get that counts!

Otto Man said...

Nice tune, Pooh. I see a Broadway musical in his future.

9)Arrested Development- Momma's Always On Stage. Much respect for the ladies. What ever happened to these guys?

Fox cancelled them.

Thrillhous said...

You crazy kids. Here's your recipe for a rockin' friday

1) Tatooed Dancer - Ozzy. never heard it!

2) Locomotive Breath - Jethro Tull. That's got to be some bad breath. 7/10

3) Prove you Wrong - Prong. those fellows at Radio Shack said I was mad, but who's mad now?? 10/10

4) You Can't Kill Rock'n'Roll - Ozzy. But you can kill an FRT if there's too many songs from one dude. 6/10

5) Still You Turn Me On - ELP. Apparently this is what the GOP says to Cheney. 9/10

6) Bleed the Freak - Alice in Chains. This is what Cheney says to hunting buddies. 9/10

7) Hey You - Floyd. Good, overplayed. 8/10

8) Beyond and Before - Yes. Before Yes was Yes. Still awesome. 10/10

9) By-Tor and the Snow Dog - Rush. Get it? The bass is By-Tor, and the guitar is Snow Dog. Get it? 9/10

10) Junkhead - Alice in Chains. Maybe my fave of theirs. 10/10

Otto Man said...

Whatever I got from Rush, you can have back.

Tom Hilton said...

Good to see some Wanda 'Fujiyama Mama' Jackson there. Great stuff.

I'm no good at haiku...no wait, that's not it; I just think haiku is completely fucking pointless...anyway, here's my FRT:

Scenic - Down Black Canyon Road
Siouxsie & the Banshees - The Passenger
Mikis Theodorakis - O Andonis (Z Main Title)
Single Gun Theory - Angels Over Tehran
The Wailers - Beat Guitar
Single Gun Theory - From a Million Miles
The Count Five - Psychotic Reaction
Ennio Morricone - Fistful of Dollars (Main Title)
Frank Gay and His Gay Blades - Hades
New Order - Blue Monday

teh l4m3 said...

"...could've passed for a sound check."

Really, couldn't this be said for just about any live Chan Marshall performance?

Otto Man said...

Really, couldn't this be said for just about any live Chan Marshall performance?

Well, she's capable of great live moments -- I've got a killer cover of "Wonderwall" she did on the BBC, and that's saying a lot because I despise Oasis. But yeah, about 90% of her live stuff is like a scene from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest."

Pooh said...

OK

1. "Clampdown" - The Clash. In my top 6 pump up songs of all time. (Alongside "Wu-Tang Clan Ain't Nuthin' ta Fuk Wit", "Killing in the Name", "La Grange", "Thunderstruck" and "To Be With You" by Mr. Big. I wish I was kidding about the last one) 10/10.

2. "Wild Night" - Van Morrison. Sacrilege, but the Mellencamp/'ndege Ocello cover is better. But inside, my jukebox also roars out like thunder. 7/10.

3. "Wish I Was In Heaven Sittin' Down" - R.L. Burnside. Why does all of R.L.'s music make it seem like he might have been a real jerk in person? Just something angry about his sound. 6/10.

4. "Elevate Me Mama" - Muddy Waters. Every single song from "The Chess Box" kicks everloving ass. No exception here. 9/10.

5. "Dust My Broom" - Elmore James. Speaking of kicking ass. Best. Guitar Lick. Ever. 10/10.

6. "One Way Out" - Sonny Boy Williamson. My Ipod clearly thinks it's Tuesday. Not complaining of course. Allman Bros. made this song famous. 8/10.

7. "Let's Get Retarded" - Black Eyed Peas. I liked the ESPN NBA playoff's version much better. Plus, I'm somewhat done with BEP since "My Humps" 4/10.

8. "Crazy Girl" - Basement Jaxx. How does one tell techno songs apart? 3/10.

9. "Pastures of Plenty" - Alison Krauss & Union Station. Is that George Clooney singing? No. He's just a very good lip syncher. Unlike, say, Ashlee Simpson. 6/10.

10. "Panama" - Van Halen. Obviously, not random. Eddie, when did you become the witch from Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves? Beware the painted man...8/10.

Average: 7.1. Helps when the shuffler has the blues, I suppose.

ORF said...

Pooh, I was done with BEP when they invited that ridiculous excuse for a woman to join their entourage.

ANYWAY... all the way from Nepal, bitches, here is my FRT. Which, incidentally, I did yesterday on a bus ride and completed well before any of you were even up on the East Coast, but didn't have a chance to post until now. Just so you know.

1) Tired of Sex-Weezer. I never listen to Pinkerton, and I don't agree with this song. But it's alright...

2) This Velvet Glove-Red Hot Chili Peppers. Another album I don't listen to much anymore, but a good track nonetheless.

3) How to Fight Loneliness-Wilco
Need I really elaborate?

4) The World's Gone Mad-Handsome Boy Modelling School feat. Del the Funky Homosapien
Hear, hear, Del. 'Tis too true.

5) Scatterbrain (As Dead as Leaves)-Radiohead.
The 'Pod gets a big pat on its little back for producing such a stellar lineup to this point. Some of my faves in here. I think since it's been neglected for most of the last two weeks it's trying to make me love it again.

6) Rasputin-Rufus Wainwright. See above

7) Too Marvelous For Words-Billie Holiday
See what I mean? I think I just found my wedding song, incidentally.

8) Get What You Need-Jet. Actually, this song's kind of dumb.

9) The Score-Fugees.
Meh--Wyclef never flipped my switch.

10) New Amsterdam-Elvis Costello. An ode to my home by a man I dearly love. Yes, iPod, I will love you forever.

This FRT was awesome just by virtue of the fact that it was broadcast from so far away, so it gets a 90. Hey, there's always room for improvement and this IS a third world country. See y'all stateside for next week's spin!!!!

Otto Man said...

ORF, I appreciate the long-distance dedication of your FRT. That's commitment. I'd give you a perfect 10 just for the effort.

Hope the world tour is still going well.